By Sarah Schulz
sarah.schulz@theindependent.com

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Lane Hickenbottom Independent/Lane Hickenbottom 1 Steve Scharf gets a standing ovation from Barr Middle School students, faculty and staff, including counselor Kirk Ramsey (right) after speaking during the schoolıs Purple Hands Assembly. Scharf, a sophomore at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is the son of Gary Scharf, one of the Von Maur Department Store shooting victims. Lane Hickenbottom Independent/Lane Hickenbottom 2 Barr Middle School students including (from left) Lucky Gratopp, Corey Levander and Jose Aguilar recite the schoolıs Purple Hands pledge that says, ³I will not use my hands or my words for hurting myself or others.² Click Thumbnails to View

"Forgiving Robert Hawkins for shooting and killing my father was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do," Steve Scharf said.

Scharf, 19, of Lincoln was the featured speaker at this year's Purple Hands assembly at Barr. His father, Gary Scharf, 48, was one of eight people shot and killed on Dec. 5, 2007, by Hawkins, who then took his own life.

Scharf said he prays every day for his father, Hawkins, the other shooting victims and their families. He incorporated his father's death into his speech by referencing historical figures known for forgiveness. One of those people was Pope John Paul II, who was shot in 1981. After he was released from the hospital, the pope visited his would-be assassin in jail, prayed with him and forgave him.

"I figure if one man can forgive the man who shot him face to face, I can forgive a mixed-up teenager who's no longer living," Scharf said.

He said he thinks of his father often, especially now that he has completed training for the TeamMates mentoring program. Gary Scharf was an advocate for the program and helped with an anti-bullying campaign when Steve was in middle school.

Scharf, a sophomore at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, told the approximately 800 people gathered in the gym Wednesday that he was bullied in middle school. There was a mentality that students weren't supposed to tell when they were being picked on, he said.

"It wasn't good to be a snitch," he said. "That's a ridiculous attitude."

Because of the bullying, Scharf got into a few fights and was suspended twice. He worried about telling his parents that he was being picked on because he thought it made him seem like a wimp and he was embarrassed. When he finally confided in his dad, the older Scharf helped bring an anti-bullying speaker to the school to talk to the students.

Scharf said he thought the boys who bullied him took the talk to heart. He also took up boxing, a sport that gave him confidence and was an outlet for his hostility, he said.

"Courage isn't something you can buy in a store," he said. "You have to earn it."

He told the students they can change the direction of their lives. It won't always be easy but it can be done.

"You will fail, but everyone fails," he said.

The key is to keep trying. As an example, Scharf read a biography of a man who lost numerous elections, had a business go bankrupt, suffered a nervous breakdown and lost a loved one. That man was Abraham Lincoln, who later became president, he said.

Scharf also shared some of his personal failures. He has lost a job but applied for others and found one he likes. He wasn't good at football, so he took up cross country and debate. He lettered in the sport and excelled at debate. He also said it took courage for him to continue with his speech after fainting several minutes after starting Wednesday.

"That was embarrassing," he said. "I've fainted before, but not in front of this many people."

Above all, Scharf said, it is important for young people to realize they aren't alone and they aren't responsible for a bully's actions.

"Never be bullied into silence," he said. "I wished I would have known that as a kid."

When Scharf finished speaking, he received a standing ovation and a $500 check, presented by Barr Counselor Kirk Ramsey on behalf of the school. Scharf can use the money to continue with his college education, Ramsey said.

Ramsey also presented Nancy Jones, director of the local TeamMates program, more than $800 raised by the students and faculty at Barr. The donation was given in memory of Gary Scharf.

"We'd also like to thank Steve for being part of TeamMates," Ramsey said as the students cheered.

Purple Hands

Barr, Walnut and Westridge middle schools all use the Purple Hands program, which originated with an Oregon school to combat school violence. The students regularly recite the program pledge, "I will not use my hands or my words for hurting myself or others."