While we're on the subject, the ratio of beauty salons to barbershops in America is 18 to 1, and the number of drive-in theaters at last count (2002) was 285, two of which were in Nebraska.

Wait, what subject?

The Census Bureau, of course, home to a bazillion numbers in a gazillion categories, like 26 pounds, which just happens to be the per capita numbers of pounds of candy we ate in 2006, not to be confused with $247, the average receipts per capita for dentists a few years earlier.

I love this stuff.

The number of people 65 and older in the United States on July 1, 2006, was 37.3 million, about 12 percent of the population. The projected population of people 65 and older in 2050 is 86.7 million, or about 21 percent of the total population at that time.

You can't get good numbers like this just anywhere.

Who knew the percentage of Americans with a bachelor's degree or higher in 2006 was 27? Probably the same number aware that the percent that had at least graduated from high school was 84.

OK, I'll stop well maybe one more. Thirty-six million Americans claim Irish ancestry. Ireland is a country of four million.

Tech chops

Obviously the Census Bureau needs some big honkin' computers to count Irishmen, barbers and boozers, and the rest of the 300 million or so of us.

And as it gets ready for the next big tally in 2010, it will be investing in a little used technology to keep the numbers flowing.

Pencil and paper. That's right, the Bureau is scrapping plans to add half a million handheld computers for workers who go door-to-door. Instead, the temporary counters will be using hundreds of thousands of number 2 soft leads on sturdy cotton content. About a third of us do not turn in our forms, necessitating a census knock on the door.

Problems with the new equipment was primarily a matter of underestimating the scope of making 2010 the first ultra-high tech count in history.

Don't worry. The Census Bureau's tech chops will still be higher than most of us can understand. Despite the cuts, it has thousands of new computers and over a billion bucks to manage the big count.

The census and the Census Bureau not only delivers thousands of delightful arcana for newspaper columnists to goof on, they provide the only count that counts: The one that will decide who gets how much of the federal budget pie.

Who we are

How the counting kings arrive at their numbers computers, calculators, Big Chief tablet and a crayon makes no difference.

The numbers they find do.

Especially this year.

Which reminds me.

One hundred twenty-six million people voted in the November 2004 election a record high for a presidential year. Minnesota had the highest turnout at 79 percent. The U.S. was 64 percent, Nebraska just over 65 percent.

Nearly nine in 10 registered voters cast ballots in 2004, up a tick from 2000. Seventy two percent of us were registered to vote in 2004, also up from 2000.

Before we can ever decide what the numbers mean, we have to have the numbers.

Yes, we take the census every 10 years to fulfill our constitutional duties. But a census is more than simply an opportunity to update signs outside cities. Counting heads every decade and the thousands of other numbers the Census Bureau provides is the first step in knowing who we are.

Did I tell you that as of Oct. 1, 2007, there were 4.2 million more women in the U.S. than men?

Better write it down. I'll wait while you get a pencil and a piece of paper.

George Ayoub is senior writer at The Independent.